I've been agonizing over a decision for more than a year. (Heck, for several years!)
That decision is: should I continue on with my store (brick and mortar) which has been my livelihood for twenty years ... or should I find some other way to make a living?
My store has been a labor of love. I've watched a generation of my customers grow from little babies to parents. I've loved the challenge of building my business from nothing and seeing it turn into a community fixture. I've loved my merchandise. (My store is a video rental store. I do love those movies!)
However, in recent years it's become harder and harder. Sales are not what they used to be. And I'm not what I used to be either. The fact is, for several years now, the store just hasn't produced enough income to live on. It's caused me to start going into debt. And, no longer a spring chicken, I don't have the stamina to put up a fight for the business like I did in the beginning.
So, I've gone round and round with this. How can I lose my little store that I've put so much of myself and my life into? But how can I go on like this? It was a decision I just couldn't make.
Then, last month I got sick. Not real sick, but sick enough to hang up my "Closed Due To Illness" sign. I hardly ever do that. The next day I still didn't feel good, so I left the sign up. The next day was Monday, when I'm closed anyway. On Tuesday, I figured, "Tuesday's are never very good for business anyway." And on Wednesday, I intended to open the store, but I just couldn't face it.
So the store has been closed for a month. People are asking me what's going on. I just don't even know what to tell them. Probably there are rumors going around town that I'm horribly ill. People look at me sort of funny when I run into them in the grocery store. They ask, "How are you?" in a super sympathetic way.
I think that the decision I couldn't make has more or less made itself.